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| Photo Credit: Nestle Snipes www.MFKphotography.com |
The saying "I am not my hair" has been used a lot over the years as the natural hair movement has taken the curly community by storm. It's a saying that shows the world that as a woman I should not be defined by the bend of my curl. Recently I got into a discussion with a few guy friends about the natural hair movement and how men of color view it differently. Some men think it's the most amazing thing ever. They are excited we are embracing our "naturalness" BUT and I say BUT strongly... there are men that are not into it. They don't feel it's very becoming of women as some would put it. I came to this harsh reality when a friend made the comment that he loves my hair the way it is now and wasn't into that "Afrocentric look" I had going on. (Inserts thinking emoji face here). I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had been natural for 6 years before deciding to cut and perm my hair again so being a recent curly girl it struck a cord. Questions began to pop into my head. Why is my natural state not good enough? Was my natural hair a turn off for men? As there are many men that love the curly hair movement are there just as much who aren't fans? All these questions hit me hard. I knew I had to combat the thoughts of other natural haired sisters when I decided to perm my hair (we will get into that a little later) but to think I had to battle with my brothers as well was a point I forgot about.
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| Photo Credit: Nestle Snipes www.MFKphotography.com |
The Hair Struggle
When venting to a friend I realized that I AM NOT MY HAIR but I am my hair all at the same time! To break this statement down is to break down my hair journey. I am a woman that has had a perm since the age of 5. Subconsciously I was taught that the curl of my hair was unmanageable and almost evil because it broke combs, hurt my head when being combed through and was just a big headache. How could anyone have a positive feeling about their hair with that type of agony early on in their life? There were times I remember crying in the mirror when I couldn't get my perm when I wanted and I had too much new growth. New growth meant my hair was going to look "raggedy" and that made me feel ugly. At 24 I tried the natural thing by transitioning and couldn't quite get used to it because it meant I had to take on a task I knew nothing about which was learning how to take care of my hair in its natural state. There were days I felt not cute enough, not pretty enough, not sexy enough. When I wanted to wear a weave as a protective style I felt like I wasn't apart of the "natural girl crew" because subconsciously they didn't consider me a real natural. We say "I am not my hair" but when you place all of your confidence in your hair you definitely are your hair. When we place so much value in our hair which is a woman's adornment, our whole being is based around our hair which can be a good thing or a bad thing.
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| Photo Credit: Nestle Snipes www.MFKphotography.com |
How I found freedom in my hair
I became so frustrated with my hair in my transitioning face that I chopped all my hair off a year later. I stood in the mirror and took scissors to the dome. I cut every piece of relaxer out of this head and when I was done I felt a sense of pride. I finally had enough courage to be ME! There was no looking back. I grew my hair for 6 years! In those 6 years I realized I was no longer my hair. If the natural hair community didn't want to embrace me because I wanted to wear a 18 inch weave down my back then that was their problem. If I showed up with a twist out that had frizz and wasn't perfect I didn't get obsessed because it didn't look like my favorite YouTube guru, I just embraced my curls for what it was. Between weaves and wigs I strutted my natural tresses and was proud of being a girl who could wear it all and be confident!
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| Photo Credit: Nestle Snipes www.MFKphotography.com |
Finding Peace in My Hair
In June of this year I decided to cut my hair after a break up. Cutting my hair is a sense of therapy for me. 2016 was a crazy year and I just felt like my hair was filled with baggage so it was time for it to go. As my hair dresser Rhonda (shout out to Vibes salon in queens) was snipping away at my hair journey I wanted to remain natural. She advised me that the way I wanted to wear my hair it wasn't going to give me the look I wanted but I was adamant on keeping it that way. She slayed my hair but it didn't stay that way for long in the summer heat. The heat doing a number on my hair and making me look like a cotton ball at the end of the day which was not the look I was going for, I knew I had to make a decision. If I want my hair a certain way that requires a relaxer for it to stay a long period of time why am I so against a relaxer? Was it because I was natural for so long? Was it because I placed value in my natural hair? Or was it because I wouldn't be black enough to my "natural sisters" anymore? I realized I had to do what was best for me and what I wanted my look to be. The important thing was HEALTHY hair which is something we forget about.
The moral of the story is this... fellas, who cares if her hair is curly or straight. Ladies why does it matter how you are excepted in this natural hair sorority? Why are there rules for acceptance? Why are we placing value on things that were meant to separate us? And why are we not realizing that this hair thing is deeper than the surface? Let's work harder on accepting each other for who we are and stop placing value on aesthetics that were made to break us down and break us apart.
Beautifully Devoted,
Tish